I’m Childfree not Childless

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that what you are about to read is entirely made up of my opinions, which may not be the same as yours. Also, these are my thoughts about my body, and I would never assume to tell someone else what to do with their body (nor should anyone feel the right to tell me what to do with mine). So let’s get on with it!

I don’t ever want to have kids. Yep you read that right. Ever. I have known this since I was little, and I have never wavered in my resolve.

The society we live in perpetuates that “baby fever” that most females feel in their twenties. TV shows that glamorize or sensationalize having children, and the standard that if you are married, or even in a committed long-term relationship, that you should be considering or at least be thinking about when you want to start a “family”.

Now, let me say that I do not hate children. I don’t think you are a bad person for having children, or planning to have children. Like I said before, it is YOUR body and no one but you should have any say so in what you do with it. Ever. Children are just not something I want for myself.

It isn’t solely the TV or our culture’s fault for this “OMG your 25 and don’t have/want a baby what’s wrong with you?!” standard. It is our closest friend’s and family’s fault (and many MANY stranger’s fault) I am constantly asked/told the following when someone finds out I don’t want children.

1. You’re young, you’ll change your mind.
2. You just haven’t met the right man yet.
3. But if you had one you would think differently. Everything changes after you have a baby.
4. But you would be such a good mother!
5. They add so much to your life. You’d be missing out on that!
6. When are you and Luke going to have a kid?

My Responses : 1. I am plenty old enough to decided what I want out of life. I know deep down in the depths of my soul and heart that I don’t ever want a child. You should take my word for it. 2. Believe me, I have met the right man. And because he is the perfect man for me, he doesn’t want children either. 3. So I should go against everything I believe in, in the hopes that I would miraculously want it once I had it? What? And also, yes, I know everything changes after you have children. And I simply do not want any of that. 4. Barf. I get this from strangers more than anyone. Thank you kind madam for telling me that you know me well enough to advise me to have children since you are so certain of my character that you know I would never hurt it, or leave it in the back seat of a car on a hot day, or trade it for drugs. I would never do any of those things, but how the hell do you know I’m not a terrible person? And I personally believe to be a good mother, or father, you have to WANT to have the child. 5. I’m sure that this is true for a lot of people, but it just isn’t for me. I don’t believe I would be missing out on anything that I don’t want to begin with. And 6. which is pretty much answered in 2. Neither one of us want children. We have both known that for a long time and we knew that going into the relationship.

I know many, many good women who have had children and it made their life complete. I am just not one of those women. I am not “missing out” because of this decision. I will be living a live of my dreams by choosing not to have children. And for anyone who has the crazy idea that I am contributing to the extinction of the human race by not fostering offspring, there are hundreds of thousands of babies, toddlers, and young adults waiting to be adopted across the globe. Women will continue to have children despite my views on the matter. So rest your weary head. The world will go on.

To sum it all up, please stop asking when I’ll have a child or telling me why my choice not to is so very wrong. It is my life, and my body to do with as I choose. Not wanting to have a baby does not make me weird, or less of a woman. It does not make me a bad or selfish person either. It simply makes me a person with her own opinion.

If you do want kids, good for you! This little blog shouldn’t be enough to change your mind. If it is, please take the time to think about what you really want. If you don’t want to have children, I hope this gave you some talking points to be able to explain your decision to others.